Jasmine Hart

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I think the rhythm works nicely and this progresses nicely from beginning to end. I really like; "But please don't ...

Hey Kit, I love the rhyme and rhythm and the idea is an interesting one but I do think that you should expand more on the character/story. I love the ...

Hi, You're right, this is a bit mad, but I don't think that's a bad thing! You have some beautiful imagery here, and I especially enjoyed; "Walking into the night ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. It flows nicely and I love how it seems like a love poem and turns unconventional at the end. The last stanza in particular was ...

Hi, You have some great lines here. I really enjoyed; "And the moon made brighter by our twin smiles" "And feel the beauty, the textures of this place, this universe" ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. The first thing I'd do is rate this in your title, as I don't think it's suitable for younger readers. ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. You handle the form perfectly. I love the title. I'd avoid twisting the syntax in the first line as I ...

Hi, Your imagery is lovely and this flows nicely. You manage the form really well and I especially like "Red smoked clouds". I'd change "ablaze" as it makes the line ...

Hi :) The emotion comes across really well here. I think the repetition of "You" in the first stanza works nicely. "Writh" should be "writhe". If you click "check spelling" ...

Hi, I love your structure and how you use different colours and fonts to mirror what you're saying. I'd change "warm" because it's hardly going to be cold heat from ...

Hi, I think you have a really inventive way of phrasing things. I especially love; "Your awkwardness burns like dry ice on skin. Your randomness turns the world upside down. ...

Hi, This is a beautiful piece. You follow the villanelle form nicely and it suits your subject matter. The opening imagery is lovely and I love; "but that's all in ...

Hi, The first line was powerful and made the reader want to read on. "Thrusting you in to numbness it runs through your veins" is great. I think the poem ...

Hi, This flows beautifully and your imagery is great. The opening lines instantly drew me in and I love "waxwork daughter", "tiny, pattering hush of snowflakes" and "insect hum of ...

Hi, welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This flows really nicely. I'd put a comma after "words" and "love". I'd change "step taken" because it's a little ...